Esoteric Whispers:Chapter 3 to Onamara’s Story

Chapter Three

Nastasia closed the journal and picked up the remote to her bedside stereo, too lazy to simply reach over and turn the dials. Placebo began to blare through the speakers, and Nastasia layed her head back on the pillows with a sigh, closing her eyes and letting herself fall into the music. She blocked out the words, only paying attention to the beat, the rhythm, letting it soothe and calm her.

Nastasia’s mother had come into the room only 2 hours ago, tons of faded and yellowed papers in her shaking hands that she held out to Nastasia. They were some of the pages that had been ripped from Nastasia’s biological mother’s journal, and Nastasia had spent the past 2 hours placing them where she thought they fit in, reading and rereading until her eyes had become sore and crossed.

She finally knew her real name..the name her mother had given her.


Nastasia ran the name over and over again in her mind.

Did this make her someone else? Was Nastasia just a work of fiction? Was Nastasia just an illusion, something or someone she’d thought she was?-

Nastasia turned over to lay on her stomach, frustrated, and rested the side of her cheek on her folded arms beneath her head. Why did this all have to be so complicated? And that wasn’t even the worst of it. That was just a minor detail in the story…

One of the pages she’d been handed had been hard to was scrawled as if written in a hurry. From the little that Nastasia could make out of it, her father (her real father, that is) had not been the angel that Nastasia had always pictured him as in her dreams…He very well may have been a blond-haired man with big and innocent blue eyes, but he was no saint…

For Nastasia’s father had been the very man to cause the death of her mother..

Cat tossed in bed as her dream caused her to moan and twist and turn in unrest. In her dream, Marie was telling her,”You have to tell her, Cat. You have to tell her the truth.” Cat sprang up from the cocoon of her nightmare. She didn’t have to worry about disturbing her husband..They’d been sleeping in separate rooms for years now.

She pulled the blankets off and got up from the bed quietly. The music that had been coming from her daughter’s room before she’d headed to bed was now mute, and Cat assumed she was either seething now in the silence or, hopefully, sleeping.

Cat made her way to the kitchen downstairs quietly and fixed herself a glass of ice-cold water which she carried with her to the porch. She knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep, so she curled up on the bench and looked out at the stars in the sky, her heart heavy with sorrow and guilt.

She’d asked Fred earlier in the day to talk to Nastasia. However, he’d made it clear that she was the one who’d need to tell their daughter the truth..How could Cat explain her torrid love affair with Zef and the horrible ending it had come to?

Cat jumped as the door leading to the porch squeaked open and her daughter walked out.

“Can I sit with you?”,asked Nastasia.

“Of course. Guess you couldn’t sleep either…” Nastasia shook her head in the negative and sat beside Cat on the bench. Though it was small, Nastasia found a way to keep frigid width between herself and her mother. Cat studied her pensively and then sighed.

“I know you want to know everything, and believe me, I understand why…..You have a right to know…but I’m afraid..Can you understand that?”

“No..No, actually, I can’t understand..Especially when I don’t see why you’d feel afraid if you had nothing to do with it..I already know it was my father who did it..killed Mom, I mean.”

“Well, he didn’t really..”

“Yes, yes he did…He’s the one who told them to pull the plug on..on my mother..That’s the same as killing her, or at least to me it is. What’s the difference if his words are what put my mother in the ground? What, because he didn’t physically do it? No..there’s no difference.”

“Nastasia, I knew your father..In fact, I loved him.” Nastasia’s eyes jerked up to meet Cat’s. “And he loved me,too.” Cat stood and reached her hand out for her daughter to take, but Nastasia stood on her own and silently they walked together.

Nastasia followed as Cat lead her to the kitchen table, and she sat down in a chair and waited as Cat turned on a small floor lamp.

“Uhm, would you like a cup of tea?,” Cat asked. “No,” answered Nastasia, feeling impatient but not willing to rush Cat..She wasn’t so sure she really wanted to hear what inevitably would have to be said.

“Well, I would. Let me just put a kettle on..”

When the tea was finished, Cat finally came to sit across from her daughter.

“Zef and I met at a book signing..Well, his book signing, I mean. It was at the small bookstore right down the road from us…” Cat’s eyes lost focus as she traveled back in time to tell a story she’d dreaded having to tell ever since Nastasia had come to be a part of her family…..

“He’d written an iatrical book that had fast become a best seller out here, what with all the many people in this town in the medical field…Myself being in nursing school at the time, it only makes sense that I’d have an interest in the book and in him as an author as well. I attended the book signing…..To make a long story short, we immediately hit it off and he asked me to wait for him outside until the event was over..I agreed, and when he could finally make his way out he found me waiting..Before you ask, yes..yes, I was married to Fred..Did I think things would go as far as they did? Probably not at the start, but I’m sure I hoped so…..That day we went out to a local cafe..We got coffee and we just talked and talked and talked..He told me all about his wife-your mother-how she was sick with she’d thought she’d beaten it, but after you were about 2 or so she became ill again..He told me he was really worried about what would happen if she were to pass on and he’d have to look after you on his own. But, you need to know that he spoke of her, and you, with love..”  Nastasia rolled her eyes, but Cat didn’t notice as she went on.  “He was so easy to talk to..You see, Fred and I were having problems then..We both wanted a child so badly, and I’d already gone through three miscarriages. Fred, at that time, was ready to give in and take in a child from state’s custody, but I still had hope that we could do it the natural way…and that caused so many fights between Fred and I..Horrible fights, where Fred would wind up so angry with me..He was drinking a lot back then..but I have no doubts it was my stubbornness that pushed him to it. So, Zef and I became closer and closer until..Until one night we decided to get a motel and..and, I was Valentine’s day..Your mother was in the hospital that night, and Zef was so stricken with grief, telling me that the doctors were saying she wouldn’t have much longer unless she went through more extensive therapy soon…I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what we did that night together..” Cat paused with her head cocked to the side, and Nastasia closed her eyes, picturing her sick mother in a hospital room all alone while her father lay in a bed with another woman..Nastasia pushed the filthy images from her mind but kept her eyes closed as Cat went on.

“It was hours later in the night when his phone rang. He looked at the caller id on his cell and told me it was the hospital. I sat with him there on the edge of the bed and held his hand as the person on the end of the line asked Zef to come in..They needed to talk to Zef in person, they said. He left, and I waited in the hotel room like he asked me to. He planned to head back after he’d talked to the doctors. Maybe an hour, maybe two hours after he left he called me. He said that he had to make a very important decision, but before he could do so he needed to ask me how I felt for him…I told him I loved him, and that no matter what I’d never regret our time together…when Zef finally came back to the room, he told me…He said the doctors could perform more therapy and treatments or they could let Adoria go..In the end, it was Zef’s decision as Adoria had deemed it so in her paperwork……She’d been heavily medicated and on the brink of unconsciousness by the time Zef had arrived…”

“I don’t want to hear anymore! Stop! Just stop!”,Nastasia screeched as she clapped her hands over her ears. She stood hastily, the chair falling backwards and crashing to the linoleum floor.

“Oh, but you will!”, Cat screeched back as she stood with her face up close to her daughter’s. She pulled her hands from her ears and shouted over her daughter’s wails,”We did it, we both did it! Yes, your mother could have had a fighting chance.Who knows, maybe she really could have made it through! Maybe she could have been the one raising you..Maybe..maybe…But now you see! You wanted answers and now you’ve got them! Your father wanted me, and I wanted him! I would have left Fred in a heartbeat if only I’d had the time to!”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!”,Nastasia yelled.

“He was meant to be with ME! So what, so what, so he told the doctors to pull the plug! We were all supposed to be a family! We were all supposed to end up together!”

“You’re sick!”

“No shit, Nastasia,”Cat said in a calm, dangerous tone. It surprised Nastasia, and she finally opened her eyes and looked at her mother…Her mother? Nastasia’s mind was all mixed up…

“How do you think Fred and I know your therapist?”

Nastasia’s eyes narrowed as she considered.Yet she couldn’t piece anything together, so she finally shrugged helplessly.

“She was my therapist first.” Cat laughed. It sounded cold and odd. Nastasia had to look away from Cat’s face and the weird gleam in her eyes.

“You wanted to know..You wanted all the answers. It’s my fault really, for giving you that damn journal. I only did it in a temporary state of weakness..feeling sorry that I hadn’t given it to you straightaway like your father had wanted me to. And tonight, well…..I just knew it was time to get it all out in the open.”

“I loved Zef…After your mother was gone, I was so sure that Zef and I could begin a life together..I knew I’d have to break things off with Fred, but I’d wanted to do so ever since Zef and I had first made love..” Nastasia winced. “But Zef kept telling me to wait…that it wasn’t time yet…that we still had things we needed to sort out…..I didn’t understand it…We’d already decided to add my name as a legal guardian to you, and yet Zef wasn’t sure that he wanted me to leave Fred yet! And then, Zef began acting strange and detached, almost like he was avoiding me..I followed him one morning as he pulled out of the driveway of his house…He dropped you off at the day care…And then, he parked in front of this building…I think it was the office for some fancy magazine that sells like crazy out here…Some fashion-ah well, that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that when Zef came back out he was with this town tramp-everyone here knew of her…Ibbie had slept with almost every married man in the damn state!” Cat shook her head wildly, her hair flying in all directions, whipping her face. “They stopped beside his car…Zef couldn’t seem to keep his hands off her, and she was all over him..I lost it..It was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it, but I wasn’t thinking properly! I just stomped my foot on the gas pedal and drove straight in his direction…I didn’t even know what I was doing until his body hit the windshield..The glass shattered, it was everywhere….The blood, it was unbelievable how much they both bled…..”

Cat stared in the distance, and Nastasia realized she was seeing this woman for who and what she really was for the very first time……


~ by Daylilypetals on 12/03/2009.

4 Responses to “Esoteric Whispers:Chapter 3 to Onamara’s Story”

  1. Wow, I’m speechless. Must be incredibly terrible to find out such horrible things about your “mother” and father …

  2. Jeez, Lilydee. Cat is totally deranged… and Fred is still with her… and they allow this woman to raise a child?
    Cat was an accomplice in pulling the plug on her mother and then murdered her father! She should be in prison. In fact, I wonder how she got away with it.
    And what is there to stop her from killing Onamara to if the girl becomes a nuissance to her?

    Even the therapist, Marie, has questions to answer. Her counselling Onamara seems highly unethical.

    Fascinating chapter!

  3. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
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  4. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!

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